Christmas came and went, and with it the 7th month of Carina being gone. The only day I really cried over the holidays was Christmas Eve.
I was driving home by myself from the church, having played for both Christmas Eve services and looking forward to the morning, even though it would be jam-packed full of busyness, and it was the first time I had just a moment for myself with some down time....and I just started thinking about Carina and how much she would love Christmas just like her sister. Autumn LOVES Christmas. The lights, and Jesus' birthday, the Elf on the Shelf, snow globes, Christmas music... EVERYTHING about Christmas. Three years old is such a great age for Christmas!! I must have heard a dozen times, "This is the best Christmas EVER!"
I started thinking about what we would have gotten Carina for her first Christmas, kicked myself because we should have gotten a stocking for her anyway, and the tears just came...those moments are definitely less and less, but Christmas ALWAYS gets me emotional anyway...remembering what Christ did for us, the sacrifice Mary made...relating to her as a mother...it all brings the waterworks, and thinking about Carina just added to that emotion.
This year I played and sang at a special ladies night dessert thing early in December, and I was asked to sing "A Baby Changes Everything" by Faith Hill....I made it all the way through until the last line that says, "My whole life is turned around. I was lost, now I'm found. A baby changes everything...." I thought about Jesus and Carina and had to just choke out that last line. A baby DID change everything.
Great things happened in 2011. 2012 is here now and I believe great things will happen this year as well.
What a very special song you sang! Proud of you that you could sing that entire song! I am so happy Autumn enjoyed Christmas. Our girls are at the perfect age!
ReplyDeleteThanks for saying hello. I still have days, so many years later, where something will remind me of my sweet little girl and the tears just come. And I've learned that it's okay. I cry a little, pray and move forward knowing she will always be in my heart but more importantly, that she's in God's care. God bless.
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