777-JESUS

Kids are pretty amazing. And they often say amazing things.

My dad was saying nighttime prayers with my little sisters just a few days after Carina was born, and they suddenly said, "We need to make a phone call." Dad was a little taken back and asked who they wanted to call. Isie, who is 8, replied, "We need to call 777-JESUS. We need to speak with Him." My dad, at first, thought they were just being silly, but realized soon that they were completely serious. He asked why they felt they needed to call Him. They said, "We need to ask Him to let Carina come back and play with us." Dad let that thought sink in for a minute and then said, "Well you know, whenever we want to talk to Jesus, we don't have to use a phone. We can just talk to Him." They nodded and waited. "And I understand that you want to be able to play with Carina. But it wouldn't really be fair for us to ask her to come back." Of course they wanted to know why. Dad answered, "Because in heaven, she is completely whole and healthy. She'll never be sad. She'll never even cry. She gets to be with Jesus and she's so, so happy." My youngest sister, Livie, who is 6, had just recently had the stomach bug. My dad turned to her and said, "Livie, there is no throwing up in heaven." Her eyes got real big and she said, "Oh that's a great place."
Dad continued and said, "But you know what we can do...we can ask Jesus if Carina can show us all around when we get there. Because she's going to know all the cool places to see, and all the neat people to meet, and all the fun things to do! So we can ask Jesus for that."

They really seemed to understand and agreed that it would be better for Carina to stay where she was. Then Livie said, "Daddy, we'll get pretty old before we get to see her again, won't we?" And dad answered, "Yeah it probably will be awhile. But we can ask Jesus to help us while we wait."

It's so cool that they get that. If they didn't have a basic foundation of heaven and who Jesus is, Carina would be lost to them forever. Instead, they now have hope.

Yesterday was particularly hard for me. I heard from the funeral director and he told me that Carina's cremation was going to take place yesterday. I knew it would be this week, but I didn't know what day. Right before he called, I had been looking at some pictures of her. So most of the day after that, my emotions were on high alert. I read my bible and prayed. Took a shower (which is the best place to cry, by the way), and just let my heart miss her.

Later that night, Ken turned the radio on while I was getting Autumn ready for bed. The Steven Curtis Chapman song, Cinderella, came on. It's the song that played on the radio as soon as Ken and I got in the car after hearing Carina's diagnosis from our first ultrasound. I cry every time I hear it now. The song right after it was Strong Enough, by Matthew West. I had heard it many times before, but never really listened to the words. Have you done that? The words were a perfect reminder to me last night.
He sings, "You must think I'm strong to give me what I'm going through. Well forgive me if I'm wrong, but this looks like more than I can do on my own. I know I'm not strong enough to be everything that I'm supposed to be, I give up. I'm not strong enough. Hands of mercy won't you cover me, Lord right now I'm asking you to be strong enough. Well, maybe that's the point; to reach the point of giving up. 'Cause when I'm finally at rock bottom that's when I start looking up and reaching out. 'Cause I'm broken down to nothing but I'm still holding on to the one thing: You are God and You are strong when I am weak!"

Excuse me...I have to make a phone call.