Seven Times Seventy

It has been one month already. I can't decide if it's gone fast or slow. It's just gone.

I have been a few days behind on my reading and devotions, which have been marking the days for me. I missed the devotional for June 23...it was our original due date and I just tried to keep myself busy that day instead of dwelling on anything that would bring me pain.

Unfortunately the pain found me.

I was browsing a famous social networking site and came across something that made me laugh. It was innocent, and it made me smile, and I was thankful for something that would bring light to my day. So I 'liked' it. Had I known the hurt that would inevitably cause me, I would have ignored my simple action and moved on to another site. But I didn't and it did. Someone got offended that I 'liked' this joke, (which wasn't off-colored, offensive, or anything...it was a funny comment someone else made that made me laugh), and then proceeded to spew poisonous darts at me regarding Carina, just to hurt me. But the two situations, this joke and Carina, had absolutely nothing to do with each other. This person simply wanted to hurt me. I think what made it hurt the most is that this came from someone I know very well. Someone who has crossed the line with me and my family before, but never this badly.

My first, "Gibbs-gut" reaction was that this person needed a good 'beat down.' My second reaction, realizing that I couldn't physically accomplish the first reaction, was to blast them all over the social networking site. My third reaction, however, won over....say nothing. Let others read what they said, and hear what they said, and tell them what hideous people they are for speaking such things. But they were smart and deleted the post before anyone else could see it.

Needless to say, I felt extremely wronged. I was shocked that it came from someone I know well. I was hurt. And I wanted them to feel and understand their mistake. All that day, Ken thought of a million things we could say. I thought of hurtful things I could do to this person so they would understand the pain they caused me. I was angry. And I had every right to be.

Then my brother reminded me that hurt people hurt people. I love my brother. He reminded me that anger is okay, and yes I had a right to be angry. I had done nothing wrong and yet I was the target for attack. Be angry and sin not. It's not fair.

A few days went by and I was listening to the radio. There is a song out called "Seven times Seventy." All about forgiveness. You know the passage...someone asks Jesus how many times should they forgive someone who's wronged them...Seven? And Jesus answers, "No...seventy times seven." Not that we should keep a tally and when people reach 490 they're toast....but that we should continually be forgiving others who wrong us. No matter what. This is very, very hard for me. Especially when my heart is so fragile right now. And I'll tell you something...6 months ago, I would have responded very differently.
Well, this song came on the radio. It's not a bad song, but it's never been one of my favorites. Probably because I struggle greatly with the concept. The singer was live on the radio singing the song and he sang it slower, with no instruments other than his guitar. It was beautiful and passionate. And I cried. I knew I had to forgive this person. I can't say I was ready to do it at that moment, however. This hurt was a giant hurt and it had punched a hole in my already broken heart.

That night I was catching up on my devotionals and the one I was supposed to read on June 23rd was all about being co-heirs with Christ. And as sons and daughters of God, we share in Christ's sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory. Belonging to God's Kingdom means being willing to suffer, not just as victims of our circumstances, but as one who chooses to endure persecution for the sake of the Kingdom. Now I know that type of persecution mainly refers to attacks on your claim to be a Christian, but I believe it can also mean spiritual persecution. Persecution where your integrity and witness are tested. You have the choice to retaliate, justified retaliation, or you can choose to let Christ shine through you and turn the other cheek. Obedience is not easy. But the reward is so great!

I am not this amazing person. I am human. Flawed. I struggle so much with forgiveness. Especially when I know that I know that I know that I'm right. But it's not about being right. It's about being like my Savior. I can't honestly say I'm over the need for judgement on this person, but I'm moving on. They're not getting one more second of my time. I know what matters and that's something they can't take away.