Three Strikes, You're Out

I know some of you have asked what we've heard about possibly donating Carina's organs. We found out today that it won't be possible.

I was told on Friday that the group, Life Link, is who we should speak to. And that generally, they don't take organs unless the patient is brain dead. This would not be the case with us. At first, I didn't understand...once she passes away, isn't her brain dead at that point? Why would it be so difficult to donate organs? Aren't they desperate for them? I needed to speak to someone at this group directly.

I called today and spoke with a wonderful woman who explained to me (a little too 'elementary,' but detailed nonetheless) that the determining factor for organ donation is, in fact, brain functionality. When a patient is on life support, or in a coma, and there's no brain function (i.e. if you touch their hand to a hot stove they wouldn't jerk back, or if they came in from outside in nice, sunny weather, their eyes wouldn't need to adjust), they become a viable donor (if their medical history checks out.) If someone dies, and their heart stops beating --in turn creating brain death---they are NOT viable. As soon as the heart stops, they no longer are able to be a donor. Since Carina has brain function, and the only way she wouldn't is with her heart stopping, they can't accept her organs.

Strike One.

However, they do consider tissue donation and with infants so small/young, but they only accept corneas and heart valves. After the organization lady explained this to me, she explained the process. Whenever someone dies at the hospital, the hospital calls Life Link immediately. They go over their medical information and determine if they would be a viable candidate for donation (so even if you're an organ donor, they may not find you acceptable, FYI.) Once they determine this, the Life Link people call your family, spouse, or in our case, parents, to get MORE medical history, if needed, and permission, if needed. In our case they would call us for both. The medical history needed includes: did I do drugs or drink any alcohol while pregnant, was this pregnancy due to in vitro, etc. I asked her if it was possible to do the questions before we have her, so that I'm not having to deal with that on the heels of losing our daughter. She agreed that would be best and said she would call the eye and heart places and see if they would contact me about it.

Only about 10 minutes later she called me back. She said the eye place automatically said they would not accept Carina's cornea because they believe the eye keeps developing up to 18 months (really? Because I was under the impression that your eyes are full grown when you're born and you grow into them....somebody back me up here....)

Strike Two.

She also said that the heart place told her that their requirements are that the baby must go past 36 weeks gestation, AND be at least 6 lbs at birth. Chances are, we'll go past 36 weeks, but all records show babies with Carina's diagnosis are low-weight births; not ever more than 6 lbs.

Strike Three.

The silver lining is that we don't have to worry about our time with her after she passes away. It was one thing I was very concerned about. We have pictures we want taken, and imprints we want done. We want to just love on her, hold her, be with her, as long as we can. I wanted to be able to help other families if we could, but I was also thinking like a mom, selfishly wanting to be with my daughter as long as possible. We had been praying about the timing of everything, were they to accept her organs....God always knows best. He just took that worry off my list.

But why does it still feel bad? Like the medical society is treating Carina like she's unworthy? Her life has weight, and for them to reject her feels like they are just twisting the knife that's been in my heart since January 28th.

I know that's their rules for everyone, young and old, but it doesn't make it easier to hear. I guess, now, we just keep going. We keep trusting that those unanswered questions will make sense someday. And we just keep reminding everyone that Carina is real, and she matters. 6 lbs or not, she matters. Three strikes...but the game still goes on.